What Pairs Better with Joe Bob, Beer, and a Friday Night? Spoiler: Nothing.
What pairs better with a Friday night, Joe Bob Briggs, and a Shudder Summer Sleepover than a fiery cauldron of Cajun deliciousness that just so happens to be vegan-friendly? (Hint: absolutely nothing.)
If you haven’t heard the sweet twang of, “Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? Joe Bob is back in town!” echoing through your kitchen, it might be time to check your Mutant Fam credentials. But don’t worry — I’m here to fix that with a recipe that’s hotter than Darcy the Mail Girl’s sass and spicier than Joe Bob’s hottest takes. It’s The Last Drive-In Lone Star Beer Jambalaya—veganized, because plant-based ghouls deserve to party Louisiana-style, too.
Bold. Spicy. Horror-Approved.
Being a vegetarian myself, and knowing that Darcy the Mail Girl proudly waves the vegan flag, I couldn’t exactly roll up to the Summer Sleepover empty-handed—or, worse, with a boring salad. This is The Last Drive-In — not a PTA potluck. I needed something bold, spicy, and worthy of Joe Bob’s seal of approval.
So, I turned to the magic of Tofurky’s Zesty Andouille Sausage and Beyond Meat Chicken Strips—and let me tell you, this jambalaya could fool even the most die-hard carnivores (yeah, even your uncle who insists every meal needs real meat). To make it even more Drive-In-worthy, I spiked it with Lone Star Beer—Joe Bob’s fave—to give it a little extra Texas swagger.
Serve it up with a dollop of tangy sour cream (vegan or not — you do you!) and a wedge of lime, and you’ve got a dish that’ll make you scream with delight.
What Makes This a Killer Recipe?
- Hatchet Homage: Inspired by the Hatchet and Victor Crowley films, this jambalaya channels all the Cajun vibes without the gory body count. Unless you count slashing into those andouille sausages!
- Meaty without the Meat: Thanks to Tofurky’s Zesty Andouille Sausage and Beyond Meat Chicken Strips, this dish has all the hearty texture and flavor of traditional jambalaya—but with none of the actual meat. Skeptical carnivores won’t even know the difference unless you spill the beans.
- Movie Night Approved: This jambalaya is the ultimate dinner for a Last Drive-In marathon. Pair it with my Victor Crowley’s King Cake for dessert, and you’ve got yourself a full-blown slasher-themed feast. Bonus points if you crack open a Lone Star Beer while you’re at it!
Lone Star Beer Jambalaya
- Prep Time15 min
- Cook Time50 min
- Total Time1 hr 5 min
- Yield6 servings
- Serving Size8 oz
- Energy350 cal
What You Need
- 2 Tbsp vegetable oil
- 3 tsp minced garlic
- 1 Green bell pepper; seeded and diced
- 1 whole sweet onion; diced
- 4 ribs celery; finely chopped
- 1 package Tofurky Zesty Andouille vegan sausage; sliced into coins
- 1 package BeyondMeat chicken strips
- 3 Tbsp Cajun seasoning mix (I used Slap Ya Mama Original Blend)
- 2 14.5-oz cans Rotel (tomatoes and green peppers)
- 1 6-oz can tomato paste
- 24 oz (3 Cups) Lone Star Beer (or any light ale or lager)
- 1 tsp Better Than Bouillon No Chicken Base
- 2 Cups long grain white rice
- Sour cream & lime wedges, for serving
What To Do
In a deep pot over medium heat, heat the vegetable oil. Add in the bell pepper, onion, celery, and garlic. Sauté together for about 5 minutes, just until the vegetables have softened. Next, add in the andouille sausage and chicken strips, letting cook another 5 minutes.
Add in the beer, Rotel, Better Than Bouillon, and Cajun seasoning. Stir, and allow to come to a boil. After the pot has come to a boil, turn down the heat to a simmer and allow to cook for 20 minutes, letting all those flavors mingle with one another.
The base of the Jambalaya should be a deep reddish brown color. Mix in the tomato paste and rice, cover, and reduce the heat to low. Make sure you stir the mixture frequently every few minutes—the mixture is thick, and you don’t want your rice to burn or stick to the bottom of your pan. Cook for 20-30 minutes, until rice is softened. If the mixture seems like it does not have enough liquid for the rice, add in additional beer or water, 1/2 Cup at a time. Once the rice has cooked, it’s time to enjoy! Serve with a generous dollop of sour cream and squeeze of fresh lime juice.
Now, pour yourself a nice, cold Lone Star, and enjoy it alongside a big bowl of this spicy Lone Star Beer Jambalaya! Don’t forget—there’s cake for dessert, too!
More “The Last Drive-In” Mutant Munchies
- The Love Witch Cocktail
- No-Bake Marshmallow Cheesecake inspired by The Stuff
- ReAnimator Reagent Serum Jelly Shots
Join My Ghastly Gastronomic Community!
If you whip up this Lone Star Beer Jambalaya, don’t leave me hanging like the last survivor in a slasher flick! Leave a rating, drop a comment, or tag me in your photos on Instagram so I can see your terrifyingly tasty creations. Use the hashtag #HomicidalHomemaker—I’ll be lurking and ready to share your creepy culinary skills with my fellow horror-foodie fiends.
